I have decided not to give a shit anymore.
I'm going to try and start a new slate; not on dA, I just mean life in general.
I know three things are certain:
* What people tell me I am:
Strong, determined, intelligent, stubborn, moody, impersonal.
* What I strive to be:
Strong, intelligent, motivated, someone that no one can push over.
* What I am:
Strong at times, not motivated enough, easily stressed, obsessive, emotional, moody.
I have spent the past few months feeling rather lonely and heartbroken - but why? Do they feel the same? I do not know. If nothing's going to happen, I need to keep going, I can't just give up and die [metaphorically speaking.] I can't wait around for nothing.
Next term? New slate, I don't give a fuck if I become more of a bitch in class, no one there's my friend anyway, who honestly cares. If someone gives me shit, they will pay for it. I am the only girl in my class and I'm sick of feeling angry every time I end up in class.
Fuck this, TAFE is highschool revisited, my only real motivation is to do well. Then, like I did the time before that, I can shove my success in their faces. I am sick to death of people telling me I have no purpose and the only people truly encouraging me are my parents.
Not only do I have to put up with being 'the homeschooled kid' at TAFE, it's also the 'lone girl' thing, and I'm sick of no one understanding.
I am going on holiday at the end of the year, there is without a doubt.
I can't keep living with these extreme anger issues, I don't want a heart problem early on in life.
With that said, this is just a rant. I am honestly content with myself, aside from a few... less than acceptable qualities. I also apologize for swearing, I really hate to, I am just so frustrated. I am going to enjoy the last week of holidays without feeling like this, I swear.
- Listening to: Rammstein - Du Hast
- Reading: German homework
GO KICK ASS! And eat your vitamins <3
A small vacation will do you good. Just keep what's truly important on your mind. Don't forget the things that really matter. Spite might help get you started, but determination and sheer force of will are what's going to keep you going. I for one have faith in you. Find an outlet for your anger that works and use it, otherwise keep on truckin'.