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So... yeah. -edit-

Journal Entry: Mon Jun 20, 2011, 9:46 PM

KIRIBAN@ 99,999

Commissions l Art Progress l Project CS l Gallery l GaiaOnline Store l Daily-Sketch l

Alright, I'm done for now.

I'm sure not many people have noticed the change.
I'm tired of being that type people 'admire,' when I don't even like how I do things myself.

Sorry if I hid something you liked... I'm sorry.
- Hiku :heart:

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  • Listening to: Germany's Anthem - Hiroki Yasumoto
  • Reading: The Road - Cormac McCarthy
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SalamiSlim Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Take a look at my old deviations. Take a good, long look.

They suck. They are horrible, horrible reflections of who I used to be and what consumed my spare time.
As time moved on, they got better.
It showed I was improving.
And then... nothing. I stopped submitting art.

Why did I stop? Was it because I was ashamed of my art? Was it because I didn't feel people would care to see it?

I stopped because I knew that being an artist wasn't who I wanted to be. It took me virtually my entire life up to that point to figure it out, but I did. And when I did, I didn't hide all my stupid drawings of Dark Jak and my sub-par animations of "Steve". I left them up, because even I knew at the time, people really liked them, regardless if I thought they were good or not.

This echoes Rattlekitten's point, but it's still valid. I think my old art is a blight on the world, but I accept that it's here now and I wouldn't remove it for anything. It, in a way, documents my life during those early high school years where I was obsessed with Dark Jak, Zerg, etc. I'm 20 now, and I look back at it not with regret, but with fulfillment. Those things I view as mistakes actually got me to where I am now, which I can assure you is a much better place to be than before.

You have always seemed to me to really want to be an artist. That's fine, but do you really? You might be at a point where you are either not confident in your own skills (which is silly when you've got years to perfect them) or you're uninterested in art. You already know the answer for the confidence problem (practice!), but if it's an interest issue than you may need to evaluate what it is that interests you, whether that be IT, journalism, or fighting censorship laws in your country. Honestly, those all sound really interesting to me, so take some time to figure out what is really at issue here.

And as always you can chat with me anytime I'm online. :)
Cherry-ala-Mode Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2011
Total agreement with *Rattlekitten.
Who am I to talk, though? I always hide my gallery (:
BecSparrow Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2011
I honestly could not have said anything better than *Rattlekitten up there.. Be proud of how've you've grown!

You know, my most favourited piece is some crappy Oliver and Company fanart I did back in 2006!!! The whole reason I haven't deleted it is because I want people to see how much better I've gotten since then.

Be proud of your art and the way you do things Hiku m'love :heart:
Rattlesire Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2011  Professional Digital Artist
I've often come across a lot of artists who get extremely pissed off when people tend to favorite their old stuff instead of the new. I know my own fiance absolutely adores work I've done from way back when I've been in the military or even before then, when I can't stand the look of it myself.

Yet there is a reason for it. Just like people are at different art levels, there are also people who are at different interest levels. Everyone has gone through a Sparkledog phase, a Neopets phase, a macabre phase, etc. The list goes on and on. Sometimes, people who are still in that phase will moreso like things you've done in the past more than things you've done in the present.

You shouldn't hide your things just because someone prefers something you yourself did not like. All art is a part of you, and anything you have done is a giant part of what you are now. To hide any part of your past because you don't like it is pretty much telling everyone you know that you don't like yourself. Why should they enjoy your existence if you yourself do not like what you have become?

I know you talk a lot in your journals about how you're terrified of going past High school, and I've read about how you've been undecided about college, and yet you also wish for people to communicate with you and be friends with you. You cannot go around asking for attention and wishing for people to grow with you, if you're so willing to hide yourself from the world. It's all a part of you.

I know I sure as hell can't stand my own work, but I do keep it up, and I do post it when I find it, because people are absolutely amazed by how I've become who I am. They want to know what I experienced, and what I went through in my life to see how I got here. It's not so much a concern to me now, and honesty, I am tired of telling people the trials I went through in the military or in school--but I can't deny that I feel extremely cared about when people appreciate my new self just as much as they appreciate my old self.

Your art is phenomenal. We are all our greatest critic. We will always hate the things others seem to love about us until we accept ourselves for who we are. You have no reason to hide anything, because you are a person that deserves to be noticed. I often wonder why people delete their old accounts and start anew, because they often don't want any record of something that they've done, but in the back of their minds and to the people that follow them to that new gallery, they will always remember, and you will always remember. It's not something that can be washed away. Are there times when we wish to begin again? Absolutely. I have to restart my Poke'mon game if I miss so much a day of playing it because I often forget where I am. But because I do, I never really get the opportunity to stretch my legs and ever get past the point. I just keep playing the starting game over and over, instead of pushing through the awkward and hard times.

I admire you. Regardless of what you do, or how hard you push people away because you don't like what you've come to be known as or what you've done will never change that fact. It is a part of you. Anything you do now will become an influence of what you are in the future. There are always going to be times you run into events and experiences you'll hate and never wish to speak of again, but they are the reason you are what you are now. How you reacted to those situations then, make you are what you are now.

There is always going to be someone who is going to admire you for what you dislike about yourself. It's all a part of acceptance. You're still young, but you'll learn it soon enough, and you'll feel much better when you do.
CagedPuppet Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2011  Hobbyist
I allways liked your gallery, I liked how much work you have taken into, and I know that you have a hard time to overcome these days, but you have to know that you are a gifted girl, you hav talent and a lots of people like your stuff!
Please don't forget, that <our friends are always there for you
binka4wing Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2011  Hobbyist
I completely agree with ~theladymacbeth - the effort you put into your work is entirely admirable, the way your art has grown and developed is admirable. And your work IS inspiring - it's inspired me a few times! The sparkles and the colours... The beautiful clothes, the beautiful faces...

So change what you want to change, do what you want to do, we're still going to admire and enjoy your creations :D
theladymacbeth Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2011
D: but i admire you. and i always have <3
if you don't like how you do things, then change. but I think you are working towards something awesome. we've been friends for a long time and I've watched your art grow and change and it's amazing.
what I admire most about you & your art is the way you are always trying something new. always trying to find a new way to do things, a way you like. always taking risks that I'm too scared to do.
and always trying to improve. which you have, over the years, SO MUCH. everything you create fills me with wonder because I can see just how much you have improved to become a brilliant artist that inspires me.

so if you want to start over your gallery then I support you :heart:
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Submitted on
June 20, 2011