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September 11, 2011
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I'm at that moment where I really want to draw, but I don't know what:

*All my novel stuff appears to have just become completely uninteresting.
*Fanart is almost a no-go because people turn out looking evil/not 'animu' enough [in a bad way], though I still really want to do Hetalia or Silent Hill fanart.
*I'm annoyed that every time I draw it just seems to be something experimental; I had like 10 drawings to finish, almost finish them, and welp, suddenly my brain's decided it wants to colour differently, refuses to do otherwise, and kicks the other methods out the window to a painful death.

Okay, perhaps that was overdramatic, perhaps I'm just frustrated - but I really want my inspiration back. ): Drawing used to be all I have, I used to find it fun. I guess it doesn't help that the computer with photoshop, etc, overheats regularly and msn is terrible on it [so's internet in general - I can't even browse tumblr].

Granted, lately, I've been through a lot of emotional pain, for reasons undisclosed, and I know that always affects my desire to write or draw... But I really need to do these things often because it balances me out. I could do all the work in the world - if I just had more time for some drawing and writing, that would be great.

I feel like the 'talent' my friends say I had is wasting away. ;; And I'm not quite sure how to get it back.. Two massive blocks in a year is not a good sign. Granted, people get art block a lot, but this is severe, I don't even attempt to draw before bitching about how terrible or disproportionate it looks.

Sitting here talking about it does no favours, I really need to try more, I just wish TAFE would screw off for a good few weeks so I could feel like there was... idk, a reason to life again. I: TAFE isn't a bad place, I'm thankful that I have a right to this education and I've learnt a lot... though I don't necessarily feel that way. I keep making mistakes, and that really upsets me because I like getting things right. It pisses me off to no end to get problems on computing related things, of all things. It's one of the only subjects I've ever claimed to be good at. How can one be good at something if they still approach problems? Perhaps I'm being hard on myself again.

But... Yes, that's a summary of my frustration for the past few months. I'm sorry to bother you guys with it. I'm just concerned for the future.

Please... Don't tell me that maybe, by chance, drawing is something 'I no longer want to do,' it still is, I want to keep going, really bad. I want to draw well, I want to get things right, I don't want to rely on technology and cheat shit and pretty effects, I want to do it all by hand, digital or no. But it's just so frustrating to get it all right.

Ach, everything is frustrating. I:

With that said, you know me, it's time to apologize. I'd much rather get this off my chest, I don't expect people to say much though. Thanks to anyone that even bothers to read this, it means a lot.

And to people that may have me on MSN, I know, bar.. two or three people, I barely talk to anyone on there now. I apologize, I am terrible to make conversation with these days. I'm really, really sorry. I seem to be hopeless at fixing it, as well...
- Hiku :heart:
  • Listening to: L'incontro Con La Figlia - Ennio Morricone
  • Reading: German homework
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:iconbinka4wing:
binka4wing Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011  Hobbyist
Welcome to adulthood. When it hits, it kicks you in the teeth and keeps beating you. It takes a while but it eventually buggers off to kick someone else in the face and to leave you with getting on with life.

I've personally found that, with the lack of time I have, the best thing to do sometimes is just plug in, sit back, and imagine. Don't draw, don't write, just daydream. You're not going to be able to draw or write when you're hopped up on frustration, and it's only going to piss you off more to try.

You haven't lost your artistic talent or your creativity. It's trying to change with you, and right now you don't have the time to devote to it to let it change with you. So just take things easy, have some good music, eat some icecream, and cruise.
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:iconboomerangmouth:
boomerangmouth Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011  Professional Interface Designer
Perhaps you should really give art a break for a little while if its really causing you problems... as in not even consider doing it. At least that way you don't feel obliged to do it on top of all the other shit that's piling on your head. :/
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:iconeravensm:
EravenSM Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2011  Student Digital Artist
we should do a jam
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:iconrattlesire:
Rattlesire Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2011  Professional Digital Artist
Start working with references. I found that when frustrated with writing, I'd turn to reading books again and writing exercises. When I was frustrated with drawing, I'd blast music and start doing gesture drawings. Being able to draw without thinking, focusing only on the form broke the art block immediately. You seem to be at that place where your creativity desires are fussing with your actual ability. The thing is, your definition of actual ability is convoluted by what you 'think' are things you should be listening to. Aka, it's all the shit people fuss over but really don't need to to be able to draw.

Example? Talent. It really doesn't exist. Talent is really just the 'thing' that decides whether people pick up something quicker or "gets" something before someone else does faster. It's something we can all develop if we put the time into it.

It sounds like you NEED to be hard on yourself. Buckle down and start working with references. I was broken of that convoluted thought by watching videos and reading books on animating. It occurred to me animators and artists alike use references every second of the day to improve their skill and to really get into their work. It wasn't a magic "Oh this just appeared in my head and I GOTTA DRAW IT perspectively perfect". They followed references. Disney for example literally had live action models walk through 30 frames of a scene they wanted to do, and the animators just traced over them through time constraints. We praise Disney 'artists' all the time.

It's time for you to stop -thinking-. Stop thinking about how you're drawing. Think about why. YOu're drawing because it's fucking fun, not because it's something that'll bring you money or popularity. Draw without thinking. Blare a song and draw within the time constraints of the song, no matter how stupid it is. Doodle all over a notebook just to see how long it takes you, not thinking about what to draw on it. Don't think, just draw.

You won't be able to draw if you don't enjoy drawing. It's got to go past the want stages. You've got to force it. It's no different in any industry. Writers and artists especially don't have time for blocks, even when we don't have a career living on it. For those that do, blocks can't exist. When you hit a wall, you keep going. Writer's block? Write 30 minutes or 750 words every single day about nothing. There was once a guy who wrote 'Palm tree' over and over because there was a palm tree outside his window.

You should probably take the time to head over to my journal and read through the 'I Am A Writer' and 'Writing Tactics'. While they apply to writers, they -heavily- apply to artists as well, and have in the past month boosted both my writing and art confidence, creativity, motivation, and desires well beyond those of some fellow artists who are far better than I.

Just get out there and do it. Don't think. Just do it out of the love you want for it.
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