I'm at that moment where I really want to draw, but I don't know what:
*All my novel stuff appears to have just become completely uninteresting.
*Fanart is almost a no-go because people turn out looking evil/not 'animu' enough [in a bad way], though I still really want to do Hetalia or Silent Hill fanart.
*I'm annoyed that every time I draw it just seems to be something experimental; I had like 10 drawings to finish, almost finish them, and welp, suddenly my brain's decided it wants to colour differently, refuses to do otherwise, and kicks the other methods out the window to a painful death.
Okay, perhaps that was overdramatic, perhaps I'm just frustrated - but I really want my inspiration back. ): Drawing used to be all I have, I used to find it fun. I guess it doesn't help that the computer with photoshop, etc, overheats regularly and msn is terrible on it [so's internet in general - I can't even browse tumblr].
Granted, lately, I've been through a lot of emotional pain, for reasons undisclosed, and I know that always affects my desire to write or draw... But I really need to do these things often because it balances me out. I could do all the work in the world - if I just had more time for some drawing and writing, that would be great.
I feel like the 'talent' my friends say I had is wasting away. ;; And I'm not quite sure how to get it back.. Two massive blocks in a year is not a good sign. Granted, people get art block a lot, but this is severe, I don't even attempt to draw before bitching about how terrible or disproportionate it looks.
Sitting here talking about it does no favours, I really need to try more, I just wish TAFE would screw off for a good few weeks so I could feel like there was... idk, a reason to life again. I: TAFE isn't a bad place, I'm thankful that I have a right to this education and I've learnt a lot... though I don't necessarily feel that way. I keep making mistakes, and that really upsets me because I like getting things right. It pisses me off to no end to get problems on computing related things, of all things. It's one of the only subjects I've ever claimed to be good at. How can one be good at something if they still approach problems? Perhaps I'm being hard on myself again.
But... Yes, that's a summary of my frustration for the past few months. I'm sorry to bother you guys with it. I'm just concerned for the future.
Please... Don't tell me that maybe, by chance, drawing is something 'I no longer want to do,' it still is, I want to keep going, really bad. I want to draw well, I want to get things right, I don't want to rely on technology and cheat shit and pretty effects, I want to do it all by hand, digital or no. But it's just so frustrating to get it all right.
Ach, everything is frustrating. I:
With that said, you know me, it's time to apologize. I'd much rather get this off my chest, I don't expect people to say much though. Thanks to anyone that even bothers to read this, it means a lot.
And to people that may have me on MSN, I know, bar.. two or three people, I barely talk to anyone on there now. I apologize, I am terrible to make conversation with these days. I'm really, really sorry. I seem to be hopeless at fixing it, as well...